The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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