So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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