oh god the rape fog is back!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
