I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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