areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
