I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
did you just send me my own nude
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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