I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
