I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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