I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
