I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
