Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
