Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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