okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
