Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
