when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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