She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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