he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
