When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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