Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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