Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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