Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Four minutes until I can fart!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
