Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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