At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
