Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
