I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
