I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
