I have demons in me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
