3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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