My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
