i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
