My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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