U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
