Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
