pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
