Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
