we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
