The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize