and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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