i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
