i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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