I want to have your abortion
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
