Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
