well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
