i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
