and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
