Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize