So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you inspire me to be a worse person
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
