In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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