Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
