I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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