Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need to align my fucking chakras
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
