Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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