youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
