i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
