I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
