I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
