hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize