no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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