Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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