today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
