Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize