she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
