watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
