i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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