Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I need to stop coming to work sober
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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