xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
