do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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