just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize