he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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