whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
